Please read and digest this page before ordering or emailing, carping, or whingeing about postage, payment, TRACKING, or any other STUPIDITY to do with postage, carriage, or PAYMENT.

>This way Lulupie. Oh Sorry I thought your name was Reckorff, dear... GO on PRESS a BUTTON.. COMPLAIN...


You may order from and pay us in the following ways:

  1) In person - Collect with no postage or other hidden charges. Pay cash, PayPal, or Electronic Transfer. I make the tea..  
  2) NOT by Telephone - We no longer take orders by telephone.. Everyone has a mobile/Electronic banking/ Paypal..  
  3) NOT by FAX - We no longer have a fax machine (Er... What was a Faux machine?/)  

4) BY EMAIL. Ideally, contact us, then place your order stating requirements and location, receive our quote, then pay us by PAYPAL or Bank transfer.

  5) RE: PAYPAL.OUR DIRECT EMAIL (and PAYPAL) address is: a
  6) By post - Send Cash or Postal order (Recorded or Registered Post please) Not far to Post Office, never mind my petrol...  
  7) By carrier pigeon - Payment as above but please make sure pigeon is good size as small ones no good in pie... No sparrows. Magpies accepted - Don't eat it but another one gone saves them shattin on the Yaris. (James, where's that friggin 410? Those dirty little bastids have shet on my car again. etc. etc.)  

8) Please note that our minimum charge for administration, posting, and packing to a UK address is £9.98

This unbelievably extortionate charge includes finding and packing these mostly elsewhere unobtainable goods from the 1970's/80's, postage, VAT. and personally taking your packet to the Post Office and obtaining a postage certificate for it. And then following all the Mommies back to work as it is now 3.30pm and they are picking up their siblings from school in the Chinese MPV (I had to F WALK Jack) whilst continually talking or texting on their fecking phones - and take 120 seconds to move at the F traffic lights. Where are the ANPR CAMERAS!!!!

Overseas please ask for quote. Postage note: ZARG: £0.01p, MARS/Venus: £0.02 (Please good feedback or Great Queen of Zarg will change you into a DUCK with one leg - Happened before.. He only said he didn't like the Reverb.... Couldn't swim either.. RIP. Or you may reincarnate as a goldfish in a tank with no top and two rampant Tom cats as owners beloved pets...)

  1) We accept cash in GBP, Euros or USD, PAYPAL, or Electronic Transfer.  
  2) From 18th July 2019 WE NO LONGER ACCEPT CREDIT OR DEBIT CARDS for telephone or local sales. Told Barclays to stick the machine up their ARSE. Sideways... Too dear. Charges are total rip off and everyone has Paypal or Internet Banking anyway...  
  3) We accept PAYPAL or direct electronic bank transfers. You can do it from your phone lady if there is any money in the shaker....Email us for our bank details. And note that "instant" bank transfers may take up to 3 (working) days to reach our account. This is the instant ELECTRONIC age!!! Note the correct term for collection of bankers is: A wunch of bankers...) OR politicians... (Q: How do you know when a politician is LYING? A: His mouth moves...) And I'm getting more and more convinced that when these people were born, they threw away the person and reared the AFTERBIRTH..  
  4) We will still accept Postal Orders from any country, but they must be in GBP (English £)  
  5) We do NOT accept cheques of ANY sort - NO - NO - forget it. Don't do Kites..  
6) We NO LONGER accept payment by Western Union. Nothing wrong with this payment method at all, never had a problem, but simply my local WU outlet has closed down and I'm dammed I'm going to drive 10 miles to retrieve my £4 quid. (BIG PROBLEM is the Donkey died. On the + side had Donkey curry, Donkey steak, Donkey stew, Donkey sweetbreads, Sick etc...)
  7) We may accept dogs, goats, pigs, sheep (prefer Merinos), derelict Lotus Elans/Esprits, Astons, Jags, Lambrettas, old Leica or Zeiss cameras, etc. but absolutely NO horses, cats, Vespas, or Prakticas. (Can't stand horses, cookin' fats or wasps - dont even ask about Prakticas.) Eclats/Elites pay me I might.take 'em...XK120/XK140/XK150/Early E/XJRS, please come in Sir, sit down and have a cup of tea.. No charge for the botulism.. Or perhaps a nice DB5 or 6 needing a bit of attention.. Or a Seven.. Or a Ghibli.. Or even a 3500GT while we are on Massers... (Dream on Michael..)  
  8) PAYPAL - please email us for our paypal payment address. (It is our email address - I think I already said that Pedro). Or ask for us to send you a Paypal invoice.  

Most of our domestic and International packets are sent via Royal Mail. We have found their service to be excellent, with only a small number of problems over 35+ years. And all of those were reported as "Not collected, lost, fraud, damaged", or other countries mistakes or delays. All were taken seriously and investigated by the Post Office. Be aware that International delivery times quoted by Royal Mail and other carriers are not to be taken seriously (but usually due to the inefficiency of other countries racked off postal services) and should be multiplied by at least three to be as nearly inaccurate as possible...

Note Royal Mail ONLY track International traffic until it leaves the UK. When they report that the parcel has been passed to your country for delivery, that means YOUR LOT HAVE IT. You should then be able to track the item on your local post office site, as "International incoming". From experience, don't hold your breath..
PLEASE! If you are overseas DO NOT ask me HOW to TRACK your parcel on YOUR local website. I do NOT speak de lingo. Try asking your Mother or a smart kid or the Donkey..

All shipments from us are insured for correct amount so that you/we will not lose money, but note that some HH spares CANNOT be replaced, and that:

Royal Mail will only consider compensation for lost after 10 working days (UK) from posting. So you/we must wait. DON'T MOAN AT ME fella...

Royal Mail will only consider compensation for lost after 28 working days (International) from posting and takes up to 90 days to get paid. So you/we must wait longer. (Ditto above)

Please NOTE that any shipment containing magnetic materials (e.g. Loudspeakers) HAS to be shipped SURFACE MAIL

Are dependent on the weight and size of your order and where you live.

Please contact us by phone, fax, or email, for a postage quote to your location.

Please give your location in any email correspondence - it is NOT apparent from your email address.

I need to write this again as some READERS cannot - er - READ.. Odd that.. Talk very fast though (See Quotations page)

Please give your location in any email correspondence - it is NOT apparent from your email address.

 For example if you are you may be from the UK, but more likely you are from the Americas, Australia, or even one of the surrounding galaxies. I don't know where you are unless you tell me. Sometimes we do get a hint of your location from the email content - note we, and many of our customers and friends, are from another planet - but it is not sufficient for an accurate postage quote. Also apologies to Cackernacker1888 if he is out there. Note postage to Mars is cheaper now the Curiosity has been paid for by the American people.. Calling all Martians - order NOW..